Cases of Humor From Flight Attendants

Received it from a friend and I think it is funny!

All too rarely, airline attendants make an effort to make the in
flight "safety lecture" and announcements a bit more entertaining...

Here are some real examples that have been heard or reported:

CONTINENTAL AIRLINES
On a Continental Flight with a very "senior"
flight attendant crew, the pilot said, "Ladies and gentlemen, we've
reached cruising altitude and will be turning down the cabin lights.
This is for your comfort and to enhance the appearance of your
flight attendants."

JAPAN AIR LINES
"In the event of a sudden loss of cabin pressure, masks will
descend from the ceiling. Stop screaming, grab the mask, and pull it
over your face. If you have a small child traveling with you, secure
your mask before assisting with theirs. If you are traveling with
more than one small child, pick your favorite."

BRITISH AIRWAYS
"As you exit the plane, make sure to gather all of your belongings.
Anything left behind will be distributed evenly among the
flight attendants. Please do not leave children or spouses."

QANTAS AIRWAYS
Another flight attendant's comment on a less than
perfect landing: "We ask you to please remain seated as Captain
Kangaroo bounces us to the terminal."

NORTHWEST AIRLINES
After a particularly rough landing during thunderstorms in Memphis,
a flight attendant on a Northwest flight announced, "Please take
care when opening the overhead compartments because, after a
landing like that, sure as hell everything has shifted."

PHILIPPINE AIR LINES
We're now preparing to land at San Francisco International Airport.
Kindly straighten up your seats, turn off all electronic gadgets,
pull up your window shades and buckle up for safety. We hope you
enjoyed flying with us as much as we did. Sa wikang atin po, tayo po
ay papalapag na sa paliparang pangkalawakang internasyonal ng San
Francisco. Paalala po lamang sa ating mga kababayan -- ang mga
unan, kumot, headset at iba pang kagamitan sa eroplano ay di po
kasama sa pasalubong. Huwag po lamang baklasin ang LCD-TV na
nakadikit sa silya.